Between a rock and a hard place

Yesterday, I said something about how Gordon is hard place to be in for me. Today I will explain. Gordon is a town of 500 people and with the small town come a lot of "rules." Since I was not born to certain "ruling" families, I had to struggle my way up. I never really ever fit in early on, because every chose buddies as soon as they exited the womb and I guess I was too late or something. Later on it was because I followed God when the crowd didn't. I made the choice to be alone after my best friend graduated instead of the popular crowd. Let's just say people can be very cruel. I have forgiven all that has gone on there, but it does remind of how awful my time was there, well most of the time. What men meant for evil, God meant for good.
I say all that not to ask anyone to feel sorry for me, just to explain. Gordon is a place I go back to for family and the kids that my mom invests her life in as a youth minister. Gordon and later on many heartbreaks brought me to the point of complete and utter dependence on God. I learned to take walks or runs to get away for a while, just me and God. The habits of getting away stayed with me through heartbreaks at OBU and at a camp I worked at for two summers. It is in those times, at the top of the hill, on the shores of Lake Lewisville, and even the OBU track at sunset I formed a bond with the Lord that could not be broken. I miss that. Though I live alone, I rarely let myself "get alone" I guess for fear of being lonely. I constantly have some sort of noise going. And on days I work, I don't allow myself that time away I know I need. Lord, draw me back to my quiet place.