The Joys of Nursing*

*Warning. This blog entry may contain graphic information that is some readers may find disgusting and/or offensive.

Well this week at work has been interesting. Haven't gotten off orientation yet. Had a fun time with another group of patients. I am sure I will have them when I come back because no one else wants to take them. Here's my list of things of "You know you are a nurse when..."
1)...you find it amusing to deal with confused patients. And tell confused patient stories. * Funny patient story at the end.
2) ...you watch someone vomit, spit, defecate, or urinate to document the color, consistency, amount.
3) ...you find yourself saying, "So I hear what I hear you saying is" "That must be difficult", etc.
4) ...you find blood draws and IV's challenging and sometimes even exciting.
5) ...you discuss bodily functions with others on a regular basis.
6) ...you realize you have a "nursing voice" which is usually loud and slow. You switch to the nursing voice when you find someone or a situation irriating but dont want to show it.
7) ...you diagnose people, situations even if they don't ask to be. call it "nursing intuition"
8)... you have ever dreamt about patient care, documentation, etc.
9) ...you have ever called the hospital to tell the nurse on duty about something you didnt do.
10) ...you start trying to sign things (your name), RN.
11) ...you start to answer your phone at home by your name and unit.
12) ..you find yourself doing multiple things at once.
13) ...you talk to yourself...quite frequently.
I'm sure there will be more to come....
The funny confused patient story....
One of my older confused patients kept wanting to get out of bed. Since he was so weak, both he and his wife were constantly having to plead with him, give him excuses to stay in bed. Since confused patients rarely censor themselves he said many comical things. At one point, he pushed his call light and the nurse at the front desk got on the room intercom and asked what he needed. The nurse heard the wife plead with him to stay in bed to which he replied, " I have to s***; I have to p****" just to get out of the bed. Later he was sitting on the edge of the bed and I told him to sit there a minute. He had been saying he needed to get out of bed to get off his back. I told him he was off his back to which he replied, "But I am sitting on my tool." I'll leave that up to you to decipher.