"Aww isnt he just the cutest thing, a real zombie...."

Oh no get the shovels!!!!!!

Grannie, the master Easter egg hider

Dad, Jessie,and me

Mom and Emily

Trevor and the rugrats (Easter)

No mistakes

Oh so many thoughts lately, and yes I did have fun over Easter. See my pics?
In my day to day life, I have been accused of thinking too hard. Have I? Some hard things have happened in my home town last week. Reminds me of how there are no accidents. Each day is not a chance encounter with eternity but a well orchestrated one. We can't be looking to blame or say "what we would do" in that circumstance. Truth is none of us can truly know until the rubber hits the road.
Its no mistake I am in Houston now, even though its tough. Its no mistake I have challenging patients---I have learned so much and will be a better nurse because of it. Its no mistake I am a small group leader of an amazing group of girls. I am learning so much there too. Its no accident I am dating a stellar and patient man. No, God works all things out for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28). I gotta know this on hard days too like Tuesday when I was so anxious to go into work I crawled back into bed. I do that sometimes when I am too overwhelmed, I crawl into bed and imagine God's arms around me loving me and telling me I am his own. I just gotta rest in him.

You

You are what I want Lord

You are what I ask for

You are what I am longing for

Cuz at the end of the day, you are what will remain

You

---Rebecca St James

Over and out

Another week has gone past. I am a little better than last post since I had some friends/family visit. Work is still tough but I finding ways to cope...somehow. I had to face some mistakes at work this morning but it looks that the worst that can happen is I get a "warning."
But now I get to go home for the weekend and it will be so nice. I am ready to celebrate the resurrection of our Lord with friends and family. I am also ready for Lent to be over so I can drink a nice tall Dr Pepper. Bring on the sugar-- but please don't bring back the weight(:

Getting by

I am getting so tired of being by myself, I can't stand it. Don't get me wrong, I like being alone as much as the next person but day after day, week after week, my only interactions are at work and brief times of church and small group. I am grateful for what I have. However, I know that meaningful relationships are important. I love my phone conversations but I miss having weekly television sessions, shopping, and even, yes, doing homework with friends. I have to find a balance between being by myself and others or I will not be too sane. And I am taking others down with me. The pattern goes, work stresses me out, sleep, work stresses me out, sleep, find something to do by myself, then the pattern repeats. I am not just whining, I am asking, begging for advice here. Dear reader if you have time, leave advice.
Psalm 42: 11 "Why are you downcast, O my soul, why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Saviour and my God."
Good night all.

Some more thoughts

I am still thinking on some things in my life and what I could do better. This article gets me thinking about what God is pruning in my life.
I don't really want to stay where I am forever. Most people who know me well know this is one of my recent consuming struggles. I have wanted a family of my own for the longest time and don't want to live out these months here living alone. But thinking back, it was in the loneliest times I grew the most, was the most content.
It's tough here, every day I am learning more in my chosen profession. The lessons don't come easily though. Most of them come through potentially dangerous mistakes. Once I do make a mistake, I never forget though.
I have had a wrong prospective at work though. I know I have the most precious gift, the Spirit of life and hope living in me, but I often get bogged down thinking I am a stumbling block because I am a novice. I have to depend on others for help, I ask many questions, I feel clumsy and unconfident in my ability. These thoughts have contributed to a lie that I keep telling myself. I keep thinking that I am a simply a burden, a liability, to my coworkers. I know I make a difference in my patients' lives but I need to make an impact on my coworkers' as well. I catch myself gettting angry at coworkers and complaining but not trying to see things from their point of view. I say things out of frustration--like last night-- that should not be said in the first place and could be damaging to the person if it is relayed to them. I must not only be careful, I must be prayerful that I can be a light to those I work with week after week. One of my coworkers pointed out that the person in question is probably a person who is hurting inside because of how she treats others (something along those lines). I said we can tell that because she seems to get her joy from causing others' pain. I think sadly about what I said and that I need to be aware of the possible reasons for others' actions. I don't know if any of my coworkers are believers. A major way I can help my coworkers is to try my best to be positive and let the things I say be positive. Venting is ok but when conversations center on negativity it accomplishes nothing. Lord, forgive me for my sinful and hurtful words. Show me how to see others as you do.

Madison and I making oreo balls for the party

Things I think about...

Well this week has been busy but ok. Monday and Tuesday were busy, crazy nights but I survived. I still miss things but am getting better. When I watching the monitors one of my fellow nurses actually asked me what she should do about a heart rate. I worked most days and rode my sweet new mountain bike for fun. (Will take pics for you later) Its so nice to get out for a while. I enjoy the sunny days.
I also had the Napoleon Dynamite party for the youth in my small group. I will post pics after this. Lastly, but not leastly I talked to my friends Erin and Todd (separately) this week. I miss my friends from all over. My top ten list of things I am most thankful for this week.

10) My sweet new mountain bike (actually its a hybrid mix)
9) I am off tonight
8) Napoleon Dynamite and fun times with the small group.
7) That I can afford gas to drive my car (a small thing but should be considered a luxury).
6) Helpful nurses like Sheila, who help me sooo much
5) Talking to Erin for the first time in months
4) Talking to Todd for the first time in months
3) Daily support from family and friends
2) The holy Word of God and its presence in my life
1) God's continual provison and work in my professional and personal life (He's not done with me yet)

resent pic of Madison and I

Alex at the door

Madison, Jessica, and Alex with tots

Alex, Sarah, and Abby at the Napoleon Dynamite party

Things That Make Me Smile

I think one of the greatest things God gives us the ability to laugh. Two of the things that make me laugh can be found here and here. When you are feeling down think about what God has done for you and watch one of these. Think on the lighter things in life. It's also a proven medical fact that laughter is good for your heart. Hopefully, a later post tomorrow.

Happy Anniversary to us......

Trevor and I midway through our anniversary bash. We saw The Crucible at the Alley Theater, courtesy of my friend Tomoko. We also watched 50 First Dates, our movie. I love you, Trevor.